Dear Joseph,
What a busy baby you are. I can feel you all the time when you are awake and moving around inside of me. Sometimes when I sit down, I can see my stomach moving when you do. Other people have been able to feel you kicking and I love how their eyes light up when they share in the experience of your life inside of me. Your Uncle James (who is 9 years old now) has been waiting from the beginning to feel you kicking and he was finally able to experience it. Boy was he excited. I think the two of you will be really good friends. Other than your Daddy, James was the most excited to find out that you are a boy.
I am 26 weeks pregnant with you today. I had another ultrasound 4 days ago to check on you and see how you are growing. Daddy and I were so happy when they told us how well you are doing right now. You were measuring in the 56th percentile which is right where you should be. You are about 1lb 14oz and over a foot long now – big boy! You are long enough to kick me in the ribs and the bladder at the same time. Starting in 2 weeks, I will be going for an ultrasound every week to check up on you. I’m hoping that you will be taking after your Daddy and continuing to grow big and strong like him. I’m excited that Daddy and I get to see you every week on the ultrasound screen, but I’m also nervous that as I get further along and closer to our due date, you are not going to be doing as well as you are right now. I don’t know when the week you stop growing will come. I am hoping it is late enough that your lungs are as developed as they need to be to let you breathe.
My son, I am doing everything I can to keep you safe and comfortable. I worry about you with every breath I take and I love you with every beat of my heart. You are so special to your Daddy and me and so many other people who continue to pray for you. I need these prayers for strength as much as you do. The day you are born is going to be the most difficult day of my life. I will be so helpless to care for you that day and we need to trust the NICU team and the surgery team. Waiting to hear that you made it through surgery is going to be the darkest hours of my life without you. I will be unable to do anything a mother is compelled to do for her newborn. Just know that I will love you more than anyone has loved a child. I will be praying for you more than anyone has every prayed before. I will be waiting for you when your operation is over and I will do everything I can to keep you comfortable and safe. I will take care of you. You are teaching me a depth to myself and my love and caring that I could not even imagine existed before you. My heart is growing with you.
I love you with a depth that surpasses all understanding.
Love, Mommy
Matters of the Heart and Home 